savor it

2014 was a big year for us. We dove into our third year of teaching. We finished up grad school. We found out that we are expecting a new little adventure buddy in May of 2015. With all of the amazing things that have been going on, it has been easy to just let the time slip by. 

It would be easy to continue in this manner too. Even though we will no longer have grad school taking up whatever free time we thought we had before, we will always find ways to fill our time - with adventures, with good books, with creating, with long runs - but will we be approaching each of these activities with purpose? Will we be living in the moment, or letting the moments pass us by? 

These past couple of years we have taken advantage of our location and have ended one year and begun the next by doing something that we love - running (or walking, or hobbling, depending on the time of day). We have surrounded ourselves with a community of crazy runners as we ring in the New Year as a part of Aravaipa Running's Across the Years 24-hour event. This is a great opportunity to meet other runners, have thought provoking conversations, and push yourself to the limit. During these past two years I have had the opportunity to engage with some very interesting people, and this year I was left pondering two words: savor it. 

Throughout the first 15 hours of the event I found myself chatting with a fellow runner, Cliff, whenever our paces matched up. Cliff is full of motivational wisdom, and at one point he shared the story of his first 50 mile race and being told to savor the final 1.5 miles (or so). This sounded as odd to me as I am sure it did to him when he first heard the words, but as he explained what happened during those final footfalls of the race, no two words have ever sounded sweeter. He savored those final miles and as a result, the time flew by and he was finished before he knew it, leaving the pain of so many completed miles behind and taking in the experience as opposed to suffering through it. After all, as he later pointed out, there isn't anyone forcing us to do these crazy things that we do (such as signing up for 24-hour events), so why not savor the moment?

speaking of crazy... midnight in the cold... before running my first mile of the new year

 As I continued moving through the event, I found myself returning to these words over and over again. However, I was not thinking of them with regards to the race itself, but with regards to life. How often have I been guilty of pushing through or suffering through, and not savoring the blessings that have been laid before me? As I pondered these words, I thought about the year to come, about living with intention, and about being in the moment. I thought about other wise words that have been shared with me by friends and the conversations that have arisen as the result of my pregnancy. I thought about books that I have read that portray women suffering through their pregnancies and not savoring the miracle that their body is capable of creating. After all, when you're walking around in the middle of the night you have a lot of time to think.

And so, I now find myself approaching this new year with a new outlook - savor it. What a simple mantra to bring me back to the moment. As we meander through life we can never experience the same moment twice, so why not savor each and every one. The good and the bad. The celebrations and the challenges. The ups and the downs. After all, the good wouldn't be quite as good without the bad, and we learn more about ourselves and about life when we encounter struggle. And with these thoughts (if you have managed to suffer through my ramblings up to here), I challenge you to savor it. Savor the moment, the day, the year, your life. After all, we only have one life, why not savor it?

pausing to savor the first sunrise of 2015

love

This afternoon I opened up a National Geographic catalogue that I got in the mail and turned immediately to a page that was selling Kanji birthstone necklace pendants. I spotted April's and thought, that looks familiar. And it was. The symbol for April was love.

Once upon a time I broke up with my high school sweetheart and my amazing friends in college bought me a necklace with the Kanji symbol for love on it. I loved the symbol and the simplicity of the necklace and wore it day in and day out for the next five years (with a brief respite where I wore a turtle necklace that I got on a trip to Hawaii because my sister's favorite animal is a turtle and it made me feel close to her at a time when I moved across the country). Then one day my necklace broke.

My necklace broke on January 3, 2006. I know this because it happened when I took off a hoodie before bed on the day that I began my Team Leader year of AmeriCorps*NCCC. I'm not generally a superstitious person, but I will say that I find it coincidental that the day that my Love necklace broke was the day that I met my mister. Perhaps it was the universe's way of saying that I didn't need a necklace to remind me that I was loved anymore. 

Whatever the case, the mister and I started going on runs together (probably the fastest I have ever run in my life and the slowest he ever ran willingly), going on hikes, and throwing the occasional date night in to get away from our campus. And while we may not run together very often anymore, we do still go on hikes and have an occasional date night to get away from teaching and grad school. 

And here we are, eight years later, and I still don't need a necklace to remind me that I am loved. I am reminded every day by my amazing mister. But sometimes it is nice to be reminded of where you came from and how you got to where you are.

Life is an adventure. It is not about everything always fitting neatly in a box or about following a plan to the T. It is about embracing what you encounter, living in the moment, and being willing to take on whatever comes your way because in the end every moment of every day shapes who you are and how you view life. And I choose to embrace my adventure in love and all of the amazing things that have happened in my life because of it.

ack

Life has been beyond crazy since Spring Break. We enjoyed a nice week outside, camping, hiking, and playing by the Rio Grande in Big Bend National Park. We finished up the week with a race in the Tijeras Mountains outside of Albuquerque and then jumped right back in to the remaining weeks of school.

Since that time, we have wrapped up all final projects for the spring semester of graduate school, finished our district mentoring binders, have been assigned new principals, and are gearing up for the final weeks of school. It has been a non-stop effort to keep things moving in the right direction. 

It is my hope that one day soon I will really be able to update things here and get everyone back in the loop of the adventures that make up my life in the classroom and our lives outside of the classroom. Until that moment however, enjoy the weather! Spring is here!

a spring break selfie until I am able to get a real post from those adventures written

beyond crazy

Wow. Last week was C-R-A-Z-Y. 

Most three day weeks are a little crazy. They start out well for me because I have a long weekend. I enjoyed some nice runs and a short hike with my mister. I knocked out a lot of work that had been piling up, and I relaxed some. It was nice.

On Tuesday, I was able to get 14 out of 18 parents through the parent teacher conference process. In the meantime, Mrs. S and I managed to tear all of the pages out of student workbooks and get them organized by week for the remainder of the school year. I hate tearing and sorting the pages, so this was amazing. I usually do it all by myself, now I don't need to worry about it again until next year. Oh yeah. Awesome.

Then the kinders came back on Wednesday. We started out exceptionally well. Then an announcement was made, "Attention teachers and staff. We might have an assembly at 9:00. We'll let you know." Then the health assistant came into the classroom, "The nurse is at our school today, she needs to do a hand washing presentation with the students." When 9:00 rolled around we were called to the auditorium. For a laser light show. It is science, sure, but on a short week? Apparently our old principal scheduled it before she left and didn't tell anyone. So, we lost an hour of instruction on an already short week. Then we were called to the nurse's office for the hand washing presentation. Needless to say, kindergarten cancelled our morning recess so that we could get a little bit of learning in. The rest of the day went pretty well, thankfully.

We squeezed a whole lot of learning into Thursday to make up for lost time, and in order to be ready for Friday assessments. The kiddos did a great job, they loved our story of the week, they picked up on the basics of base ten relatively well, and we had computer lab. My students love computer lab. It was a success. Unfortunately, I also had to come up with sub plans for Friday because this lucky teacher was called for jury duty. 

What an end to the week. Not only was I called, I was selected. So while my kinders were working away on their assessments, I was listening to a new attorney defend what was possibly his first case. It was somewhat interesting, but the lawyers unfortunately used what us jurors came to call turtle talk. They spoke more slowly than I do with my kinders. Now, that's saying something. All in all, we spent 12 hours in the courtroom. At 8:15 we decided that the defense had presented enough information to make us reasonably doubt the guilt of his client and wham-o, said lawyer won what was possibly his first trial. (I will say that a positive result of the experience was that I was able to crochet during every break we were given and finished half of a case to organize my crochet hooks!)

The court was nice enough to bring us dinner while we were in deliberations. At that point we were all okay with a burger and fries. However, a couple of hours later either the stomach flu that has been going around school caught up with me or the burger just didn't sit right. Either way, I spent the night on the bathroom floor. Super awesome end to a super awesome week.

Now we have arrived at Monday. Sweet, sweet Monday. A day of new beginnings and fresh starts. Some kiddos did end up in the office, but I'm positive that this week can't be any crazier than last. Here's hoping!

can i read

Earlier this year I was told that when my students are completing a task, they need to walk away with something. I followed the advice that was given to me by a veteran teacher, for a while, and found that this is not always the case.

When I received this advice, it was following an observation of my language arts class. For an hour, during this class, my students rotate through centers, spending fifteen minutes at each center. One center is independent reading. The observing teacher informed me that my students should not be reading just because, that they needed to walk away from the center with a finished product. I tried having them write in journals for a while about what they read; I tried having them do partner reading; in the end, I realized what their finished product truly is.

They love to read. 

My students will come up to me whenever they finish an assignment and ask, "Can I go to the library?" or, "Can I go to books?" or, "Can I read?" They may not be walking away from their fifteen minutes with a paper in hand, but they are walking away with a love of reading. They are gaining confidence in their skills and they get so excited when they can complete a smooth read of a book. 

Our classroom library (rather, a third of it!)

For me, the finished product is that I am helping to develop a new generation of readers. 

explosion

Not to worry, there haven't been any literal explosions. But, figuratively, my life has exploded. This semester is taking over my life with the addition of 20 hours of service work added to my graduate course load. Additionally, the school district has decided that all of the teachers should take an online course in assessment. I'll mention only briefly that I took a three hour graduate course in assessment this summer. So yes, it is easy (as my principal said it should be if I have just taken a class), but it takes up that little bit of free time that was nonexistent to begin with.

While life has taken a turn for crazier, I will say that I enjoyed my first afternoon/evening of volunteering at the Boys and Girls Club on Friday. I was immediately roped into painting nails and I was able to talk to a lot of fourth and fifth grade girls about what they like to do. Surprisingly (or not), it's not that different from what my kindergarteners like to do - with the exception of liking boys. As much as I'm dreading the loss of a little bit of me time, I am looking forward to getting to know this different group of students. Life will resume again in a couple of months - but until then, blogs may come at a very limited rate.

centers

Word Work, Free Writing, Letter Focus, and Free Reading

Centers. It's just how we roll in Room 1 Kindergarten. Sometimes it is a stretch to find time to actually do our centers, but I try to make it work three days a week. As the end of the year crunch comes though, I may need to cut back to two days a week. For now though, we spend one hour rotating through four different centers to help with pre-reading and emergent reader skills. Today, my little learners worked on stamping their sight words for the week, using proper sentence structure, completing a letter Gg mini-book, and independent reading. 

Today was the first day that I broke out my letter stamp collection and the kiddos loved it. I had gotten a set at the beginning of the year, but with only two stamps for each letter, I was unsure of how to prevent arguments over different letters. A month or so ago though, my problem was solved. I found alphabet stamp sets for 97 cents a piece! With six copies of each letter the stamping was smooth sailing (with the exception of actually locating the letters that were needed in the jumble of 156 stamps).

I was impressed by my kiddos in their free writing center. Most remembered the basic sentence structures that we have been practicing all year - a capital letter first, finger space between words, and punctuation at the end. Some wrote multiple sentences and most remembered how to spell their sight words. Since we have been working on sounding out words, I was also excited to see what everyone came up with on their own in terms of letter sound recognition.

Our letter focus and independent reading centers happen almost daily. My students are getting better at remaining focused on their reading for the whole 15-minute center rotation, and most are self motivating enough to remain on task. 

I know I've said it before, but I really do have a pretty impressive group of kiddos this year. They have made a lot of progress. While I may forget it sometimes in moments of frustration, they always end up surprising me in the end.

one hundred

I have survived the first one hundred days of the school year! So have my kinders. We've had our highs and lows, but I like to think that we're kicking this year's behind.

Counting 100 Objects (They were a little off, but we got it sorted out in the end!)

Aside from being the hundredth day of school, we also had the pleasure of having Explora, a pretty awesome science exploration organization, come and lead some experiments in reflection and symmetry for the kindergarten and first grade students. The kiddos loved it, and I think that anyone in the hallway where they were working knew it. If you want to entertain a kindergartener for an hour or so, give them two small mirrors taped together and let them explore.

Friends Playing With Mirrors 

I See You!

How Many Do You See?

Symmetrical Wormy Reflections

I personally enjoyed closing out my hundredth day with setting a PR on the Pyramid Trail (55 minutes,woohoo). I had had to leave school early to check in at the Boys and Girls Club about volunteer opportunities (yes, volunteer opportunities...). One of our grad classes this semester requires 20 hours of community service work, so the mister and I decided that reconnecting with our After School roots would be fun. Once I got that squared away though, I went and did a little trail running. And it felt great.

A Quick View From the Top, Before Running Back Down (to beat the sunset of course)

breathe

Sometimes, we just need to breathe. I have been noticing lately that I have been getting frustrated with my kinders that just aren't getting it. I think that the reason I am getting so frustrated is because so many of my little learners do get it. Yet, there are three that just baffle me. I keep trying and trying, and still, nothing.

One of my grad classes this semester is on the psychology of learning. I really do try to employ best practices every day, during every lesson that I teach. I keep things moving, I try to keep the kiddos involved, there are hands on activities. I try to create lessons that appeal to different learning styles and abilities. And, for 14 out of my 17 students, they get it. And, they get it fast. And then there are those three that just do not get it. Not through regular instruction, not with modifications, not with additional small group instruction, not with guided practice, not with intervention work. And I get frustrated. I shake my head. And then I ask myself why.

Yesterday I was reflecting on the week. I thought about how my emerging students (those that are just above my struggling learners) and about how we laughed in small group when they were working on figuring out consonant blends. They made silly comments, I laughed at their reasoning and corrected them, and then, when they had their reading assessment on Friday, they were all proficient.

This got me thinking that maybe I just need to breathe. I need to relax. I need to have fun. While they may not be getting the instruction that I am providing, maybe if my kinders have a personal connection to the material through laughter something will click. And, laughter is a much better response in education than frustrated head shakes.

namaste

Today, just two weeks after entering my classroom, my lovely little girl from Nepal and her family came into school to say farewell to our class. We are sad to see her go, but I am glad that her father found a job. Unfortunately it is in Albuquerque. But, I suppose this is the way things work in education, and in life in general. People enter our lives and then they leave, we can only be thankful for the time that we get to spend together.

planning

Today when my grade level came together for a planning session a wonderful thing happened. We planned out the remainder of the school year. I am in heaven. Our language arts pacing was already determined by the district, but math has kind of been moving along on a week-to-week basis. One of the other teachers was getting worried about whether or not we would be able to cover all of our required material in the remaining months of school, so we sat down and figured it out. I love, love, love the fact that I can now plan as far in advance as I can find the time to. I can sort and file worksheets accordingly. I can, in essence, be a planning nerd. There, I said it. I'm a planning nerd. And I'm okay with that!

And now I'm off to an evening of grad school. (This is partially why I am a planning nerd, so many things to do, so little time.)

spring

I may be jumping the gun a bit here, but it seems as if spring has come to Gallup. Last week we had afternoons in the fifties, contrasting heavily with the mornings in single digits, but that's spring in the desert. 

Spring has also come to the Hall House. With this spring semester we found ourselves exhausted by the start of a new semester of grad school and we found ourselves sifting through items that we rarely use and making trips to Goodwill to donate that which was still in good condition. (We even managed to drop off our goodies without going in to replace it all, as is our usual modus operandi.)

It has been fortunate that we had a three-day weekend following our first week back to our very busy lives. We have been allowed to mix work with fun, cleaning with relaxing, and all in all, have a pretty balanced weekend. Sure, there are chapters to read and papers to write, but we're taking things at a more relaxed pace which is nice.

For me, this is quite the change. Perhaps a good one. I generally go full force, right out of the gate. But, maybe after so many years of go, go, go, I'm figuring out how to apply my slow and steady running strategy to life. When I have a due date that is several weeks away, I don't need to be working on the assignment now. I can balance my drive to be successful in school with the joy that I find in long, lazy runs and afternoons of crafting.

Spring is here. A time of new growth, of blossoms, of sunny afternoons. For me, it may just mean a time of growth in how I approach life. Spring is good.

yes please

Short and sweet. That was grad school tonight. Our professor is one that we have not had before, but one that, upon first impression, I would be more than happy to have again. She is direct, opinionated, and wants to make us think about what we think and why we think that way. To that I say yes please, and thank you. I'm looking forward to where this course will lead me in my thinking and in my educational philosophy.

dismissed

This morning I had the pleasure of sitting through a jury panel selection. I was fortunate and was dismissed, though, the trial was slated to last for only a couple of hours due to the nature of the case. The whole experience was kind of interesting though.

When we arrived at the courthouse, all of us potential jurors were ushered up to a courtroom and then sat through an orientation video telling us how lucky we were to have been chosen for this civic duty. While the video had some good points, we were already there, so they didn't really need to keep telling us about how wonderful jury duty was. 

Next came the voir dire, or "interrogation" by the attorneys. This particular case involved DWI, and the comments made by potential jurors were interesting. Many stated that they would not be able to make an unbiased judgement as the result of having served time themselves for DWI and thought that if you made the "stupid judgement error" you should serve time for it, because even if nothing happened this time, it might in the future so it is best to learn the lesson right away. Some had had family members killed by drunk drivers. Many educators and parents stated that they thought that in order to set an example they would need to find the party in question guilty. Some opposed due to religious beliefs. Others simply stated that they felt that it was not their role to place judgement upon others (though they very blatantly made judging statements at other points when they were trying oh so hard to get dismissed). Throughout all of this I sat quietly, kept to myself, and tried to remain unnoticed.

In the end, my technique worked. I was not called to sit on the trial. However, each individual that was chosen to serve had spoken up at some point during the voir dire. I suppose what I learned was that when all else fails, pretend that you aren't there and maybe the attorneys will forget about you in their selection.

cause and effect

The kinders are going crazy. They can taste the looming Thanksgiving vacation. One more day. We can do this.

Today I salvaged our day today by introducing Rube Goldberg machines. We're studying cause and effect this week, so it fit with the curriculum and it enchanted my kinders. They were in heaven. Anyone walking past my classroom at several points during the day would have heard my students oohing and aahing. To make things better, at the end of the day, they could tell me what cause and effect means!

We were without specials this afternoon, so I moved our math interventions to specials time, and then we experimented. My kinders used materials from the classroom to create their own "Rube Goldberg Machines." Now, being kindergarteners, these machines were really more like a mess of materials, but a lot of cause and effect was going on. 

Here's a little snippet of the end of my day. I hope yours was as exciting!

Now that you've seen what my kinders made of Rube Goldberg, if you have never seen one, or didn't realize what you were watching, here is the video that entranced my class.

you work

Yesterday morning, during sharing time, we talked about things that we like to do. My students talked about liking to play, ride bikes, play sports, and do art. When it was my turn to share, my kinders immediately said, "You like to run!" (They've been paying attention!) I said, "Yes, I like to run, and I will go run this afternoon after work." They looked at me flabbergasted. "You WORK?!?" 

I suppose that it is a good thing that they do not think of school as work. And for the most part, I don't really think of school as work either, unless I have been here for over ten hours. I love my job. My kinders are fantastic and they surprise me every day. If this is what work is, I'll take it!

* This was intended to be posted yesterday, but I got a little carried away with said run!

to be seen

Today I get to fully embrace this fall break thing. By putting in my time yesterday, I can sit back and soak up the freedom of not having lesson planning to worry about. I am also fortunate in that I do not have any major grad school assignments looming over me this weekend. I can breathe. What a wonderful feeling!

This afternoon the mister and I are headed to Chinle and Canyon de Chelley. If you just tried clicking on that link, you'll understand why I titled this post "to be seen." Thanks to the government shut down it is to be seen what I will be able to experience in and around the canyon. One component of this trip that does look to be in my favor is that the canyon is technically Navajo land, the government shutdown cannot take away tribal lands, even if it can shut down the visitor's center.

The mister has a 55k race through the canyon tomorrow. He will have the opportunity to run where many gringos do not have the chance to go. He will be able to pass through native lands and run to the base of Spider Rock. I am so excited for him to have this opportunity and cannot wait to hear about his experiences.

In the meantime, I will soak up whatever components of the Navajo culture that I can. I will drive around the rim and see what there is to be seen, assuming that the government cannot shut down the roads that go to people's homes in the canyon. I will also enjoy the cultural celebrations and presentations that will take place this evening after race packet pick up. We've also decided to turn the next 36 hours into a Navajo cultural celebration by also stopping in Window Rock, the capital of Navajo country, to visit the historical museum and zoo on our way to the canyon.

I'll let you know what the government shutdown is doing on Navajo land tomorrow! Until then, here is a photo of the canyon that the mister took last May when we visited.

really

As a new teacher, I am a part of a mentoring program. I believe that I have talked about my mentor before and how she is a fountain of information regarding kindergarten and teaching best practices. One component of the mentoring program is actually observing your mentor in program.

I scheduled my observation to take place yesterday afternoon (note, this is a make up blog because my internet was down yesterday and I couldn't post this then). I filled out my leave request. I had it approved. I had my sub plans set and ready. The start time for my observation rolled around, my students came back from recess, and I still did not have a sub. Mrs. S got the students situated while I ran to the office to figure out what was happening. 

"You don't get a sub." That was the response that I got. I replied that I had my approved leave. The response this time was, "I know, you don't get a sub." Frustrated, I ran back to class and conferred with Mrs. S. She told me, "Just go." It's nice to know that I have a competent assistant, but I know that there are district funds that are set aside for mentoring observations. I rushed to get mine done because it was a first quarter requirement and I wanted to make sure that the funds were available. But, no dice. No sub for me.

Mrs. S did a pretty good job of keeping the kinders under control and they made it through a bulk of the work that I had left (I always over-plan for subs). I had a great observation and picked up a couple of new tricks to throw into my bag. I used some of those today in our lesson review and they worked well. We tested what Mrs. S presented to them yesterday and 94% of my students received an 80% or higher on their assessment. I'd say we tag teamed that one pretty well.

It may not have worked as planned, but it worked. And now I can relax. My first semester of mentoring activities are done and over with and my report is written (I guess that was a perk of not having internet last night, I actually did work that needed to be done). Now I can (kind of) relax until Monday when quarter two starts up, along with a new list of mentoring activities.

collision

Today, teaching and grad school collided. This isn't exactly an unusual thing, but today it happened in an exciting way.

For my reading class I have been assigned the task of doing a miscue analysis on one of my students. Essentially, this entails having a student read a selected text that is slightly higher than their reading level. You analyze their reading to identify strengths and weaknesses in their reading so that you can develop a plan for helping the student improve their reading.

Today, I chose my highest reader to help me with the task. While students were working on a fall craft project I pulled him out for about ten minutes to have him read to me. I chose a story that we will not encounter in our independent readers for nine more weeks and he did an amazing job. He sounded out words and blended them almost effortlessly. He made self corrections when something didn't seem right. He worked through challenging passages and made it to the end, averaging 12 words a minute. It was fantastic for a beginning reader. I was am so proud.

Now I just need to go through and re-listen to my recording of him so that I can write up my report. I have a feeling that that will not be quite as exciting for me to do, but I'll be glad to have an idea regarding how I can help him continue to excel.

Sometimes it is fantastic when two worlds collide!

dead battery

It happens to all of us. The battery dies on something. In recent years I have heard complaints of batteries dying on Kindles before someone is able to finish a book, or the battery on their phone dies before they are able to take a quick photo of something that is priceless. Today, the battery that died was mine. Well, my computer's battery died as well, but that wasn't until after my personal one did.

It take a lot of energy to teach. Last year, I think that I lived in a little bubble of confusion that kept on bouncing me along, somewhat effortlessly. It's easy to have energy when you do not fully realize the implications of your position, how to meet the goals and objectives of your position, and when you don't really understand what you are doing wrong or how you can fix it (or at least try to fix it). 

This year I am tired. I had the summer to really evaluate what it means to be a kindergarten teacher. I have a better understanding of my goals, and as a result I am pushing my students further. To do this, I am also pushing myself further. I spend time trying to develop dynamic lesson plans that fit within the district mandated curriculum. I put myself out there to try and keep my kinders engaged in a less than exciting lesson that just needs to be taught. I spend endless hours looking for new and exciting resources. I write grants. I develop hands on materials (manipulatives). I teach.

Today, I was super excited to see my kinders after being away from them yesterday. We had a fantastic morning that was focused on oral language development (a fancy way of saying that we talked a lot). We did center work. And more center work. And we celebrated National Book-It Day. Then we did more centers in math class. Then I had a meeting. Then we did our exciting smartie pants end of day wrap up (I swear, I'll actually write about this one of these days). Then my kinders left. And with them, my energy vanished. My battery died on the spot when the last student climbed into his father's truck.

Still, I went back to my classroom and had a meeting with my mentor. As a second year teacher I am a part of a mentoring program to help me to become a more effective teacher. This means more work. And of course, on top of that I have grad school work. And lesson planning. Do you get the point? I am exhausted. 

This afternoon though, my computer's battery died. This year I have taken to leaving my charger at home. Today, I found good reason to do this. When my battery died, I had to leave (well, not really, but it seemed like a good excuse).

The good news is that we have fall break next week. Four whole days of no teaching (just planning, grad school, yada, yada, yada). I am ecstatic.